Dooood. It's been a long time since I've blogged anything. its totally nuts. I was so happy and now i have 2 say i'm on a huge bummer. Am trying to rmeember to meditate and also turn to my art and stuff. I mashed up jem and the smiths the other night. "Save Me" and "What difference does it make" which came out really sad but good and soulful. I think John Lee Hooker would totally approve of my blues.
I cant believe I. broke up with me. Wow that looks really sort of profound. I broke with me. Dude.
Oh my god it sucks. I just think... you know... honestly... She is so cool and full of life but she is obsessed with death. She hasn't really taken the steps to come back into life and I just had no idea how to talk with her about it. Like... it just sounds like nagging to say "you need a job. and a place to live. and something to do that you care about. " If i said anything that might be possible she was always jsut going on about "well I can't can I, because I'm dead." hello even if you're dead you have to accept that and adapt to it and just change your life.
but no it's all about me in her mind and that she is just tough and won't put up with my flirting with other people. we're not old enough to be tied down! at least I'm not.
It's like instead of finding herself she wants me to be her reality, she would rather just drift and cling to me. So i'm sad and no one could have a more kick ass lovely smart brave girlfriend but maybe she will figure out who she is now in her new life. maybe we will get another chance someday... i love her a lot... I'll never find another girl like her... all the sad songs i've ever heard are running thru my head and they are not sad enough...
meanwhile certain OTHER people are not telling OTHER people things that they really SHOULD if they are serious. People who are older and should know better. Everyone thinks I tell everything but I don't! I just think people should trust each other!
